what will the new year bring?
2010
hmmmm...
the usual "lose weight" and "get organized" are high on my list...but they are every year...
instead of seeing this as a sign of defeat, i will see it as the do-over for the list i want to check off.
i have a clean slate.
i can start anew...again.
re-do.
my hopes for this plan include more exercise in general, but
...walking with mike
...zumba!
...jumping rope
...just being more active, in general
let's see how we do this year...
here's hoping!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Love is Risk
an old margaret becker song…never for nothing:
You cried alone by the window - Over the love that you lost - You gave it all - Never counting the cost - Rain like tears beat on your window - Melting your heart to the floor - No love returned - And now you have less than before (It’s)
Chorus:
Never for nothing - When you love with no return - It’s never for nothing - Light your candle in the darkness - Cause it’s never for nothing
Your friends say you’re the fool - For loving with nothing to gain - But they can’t see the reward - That you’ll claim - So hold on to the holy promise (that says) - No labor of love is in vain - Precious tears are changed to jewels - In the rain
i had a great conversation with a friend last night that reminded me of the fact that no love is gained without risk or without cost. i have hurt others and have been hurt by others, but love runs deep in my life. i’m so grateful for the risks i have taken…and even the hurts i have survived. thank you for those that have loved me well and have loved me in return. i am reminded that loving is never for nothing…no labor of love is in vain.
i believe this to be true...but i don't always FEEL it to be true. i FEEL like i give, and give, and give and have to continually ask for what i need in return...but to no avail.
i'm tired of loving with nothing in return.
i'm tired of loving.
i'm tired.
i have risked for love and have come up empty handed today.
that's the risk.
hoping for the courage to love again tomorrow.
You cried alone by the window - Over the love that you lost - You gave it all - Never counting the cost - Rain like tears beat on your window - Melting your heart to the floor - No love returned - And now you have less than before (It’s)
Chorus:
Never for nothing - When you love with no return - It’s never for nothing - Light your candle in the darkness - Cause it’s never for nothing
Your friends say you’re the fool - For loving with nothing to gain - But they can’t see the reward - That you’ll claim - So hold on to the holy promise (that says) - No labor of love is in vain - Precious tears are changed to jewels - In the rain
i had a great conversation with a friend last night that reminded me of the fact that no love is gained without risk or without cost. i have hurt others and have been hurt by others, but love runs deep in my life. i’m so grateful for the risks i have taken…and even the hurts i have survived. thank you for those that have loved me well and have loved me in return. i am reminded that loving is never for nothing…no labor of love is in vain.
i believe this to be true...but i don't always FEEL it to be true. i FEEL like i give, and give, and give and have to continually ask for what i need in return...but to no avail.
i'm tired of loving with nothing in return.
i'm tired of loving.
i'm tired.
i have risked for love and have come up empty handed today.
that's the risk.
hoping for the courage to love again tomorrow.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
interesting...
i have found myself in a very interesting spot.
i have jumped ship.
i have stepped out of the boat.
i have taken a leap of faith.
i am "balls out" as some would say.
it is a scary place to be but a bit exciting, too.
i am definitely one who jumps first and asks questions later, but not when it comes to financial security.
i have four little people to think about now.
i cannot jump completely without thinking of those that depend on me, too.
i have baggage. not bad baggage, but baggage nonetheless.
i have to think sometimes before i jump and that does not come natural to me.
so...about that interesting spot...
i am looking for work in a place that is familiar, but in an arena that is not.
i can be a professional, an activist, an assistant, a counselor, a director, a coordinator, an event planner, a salesman...
but what do i WANT to be?
good question.
not sure i know...
and that is the interesting spot...
i have jumped ship.
i have stepped out of the boat.
i have taken a leap of faith.
i am "balls out" as some would say.
it is a scary place to be but a bit exciting, too.
i am definitely one who jumps first and asks questions later, but not when it comes to financial security.
i have four little people to think about now.
i cannot jump completely without thinking of those that depend on me, too.
i have baggage. not bad baggage, but baggage nonetheless.
i have to think sometimes before i jump and that does not come natural to me.
so...about that interesting spot...
i am looking for work in a place that is familiar, but in an arena that is not.
i can be a professional, an activist, an assistant, a counselor, a director, a coordinator, an event planner, a salesman...
but what do i WANT to be?
good question.
not sure i know...
and that is the interesting spot...
Monday, May 25, 2009
family is a funny thing
why is it that our family,
our place of origin,
our foundation,
the family that
changed our diapers,
fed us,
and clothed us
the ones that taught us
to talk,
read,
and to relate...
the family that has spent
money,
time,
and energy raising us
can know so little about us?
can hurt us so deeply?
can cut us to our core?
gross.
not cool.
ugh!
i now create family.
i have learned what i need.
i have treated friends the way i wish my family would treat me.
i love them well.
i celebrate who they are.
i take good care of them.
i like the family i have chosen to surround myself with.
i hope they feel loved, too.
because i love them very much.
our place of origin,
our foundation,
the family that
changed our diapers,
fed us,
and clothed us
the ones that taught us
to talk,
read,
and to relate...
the family that has spent
money,
time,
and energy raising us
can know so little about us?
can hurt us so deeply?
can cut us to our core?
gross.
not cool.
ugh!
i now create family.
i have learned what i need.
i have treated friends the way i wish my family would treat me.
i love them well.
i celebrate who they are.
i take good care of them.
i like the family i have chosen to surround myself with.
i hope they feel loved, too.
because i love them very much.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
37 i-things
37. i am fun and love to do random, spontaneous things!
36. i love shiny-licious lip gloss
35. i am usually drinking something or have remnants of drinks all around me
34. i love to sit in a coffee shop, alone or with a friend, with no agenda whatsoever
33. i love to hear other people's stories
32. i sometimes love to share my stories
31. i say things i am thinking sometimes without thinking
30. i overcommit
29. i like to play stupid party games
28. i love a theme! - i can't have a party without one!
27. i think i should have my own table at cupz and crepes
26. i love the ikea 'as-is' section
25. i love birthday month!
24. i love celebrating others - especially their birthdays!!
23. i love to wake up in a warm bed and know that i can roll over and go back to sleep :)
22. i love michael scott - not from the office - my man, michael - he really, REALLY loves me!
21. i love a really good hug
20. i love to hold hands with people
19. i love to have painted toes
18. i love, love, LOVE mountain dew
17. i love to touch and feel books at a bookstore and sometimes buy them
16. i love to make up words to songs when i can't remember the words
15. i love taco bell rice with a little sour cream on top...mmmmm good!
14. i love it when someone does something thoughtful for me - i love that they thought of me
13. i love coming home and having my kids greet me with "MOM" and give me big, little people hugs!
12. i love to worship to really good worship songs with my arms stretched out and my eyes closed shut - a place of surrender
11. i love to cook - it is like art - creating with edible mediums
10. i love to buy new shoes, but would prefer to be barefoot
9. i love to create - with paper, with paint, with food, with digital pictures, with decor, whatever
8. i love blueberries
7. i love to sit in the sand overlooking the ocean and remind myself how small i am
6. i love a good road trip
5. i love blue skies and sunshine
4. i love singing harmony
3. i think it is fun to flirt
2. i love to learn new things
1. i never want to be bored with life - l want to live out loud
36. i love shiny-licious lip gloss
35. i am usually drinking something or have remnants of drinks all around me
34. i love to sit in a coffee shop, alone or with a friend, with no agenda whatsoever
33. i love to hear other people's stories
32. i sometimes love to share my stories
31. i say things i am thinking sometimes without thinking
30. i overcommit
29. i like to play stupid party games
28. i love a theme! - i can't have a party without one!
27. i think i should have my own table at cupz and crepes
26. i love the ikea 'as-is' section
25. i love birthday month!
24. i love celebrating others - especially their birthdays!!
23. i love to wake up in a warm bed and know that i can roll over and go back to sleep :)
22. i love michael scott - not from the office - my man, michael - he really, REALLY loves me!
21. i love a really good hug
20. i love to hold hands with people
19. i love to have painted toes
18. i love, love, LOVE mountain dew
17. i love to touch and feel books at a bookstore and sometimes buy them
16. i love to make up words to songs when i can't remember the words
15. i love taco bell rice with a little sour cream on top...mmmmm good!
14. i love it when someone does something thoughtful for me - i love that they thought of me
13. i love coming home and having my kids greet me with "MOM" and give me big, little people hugs!
12. i love to worship to really good worship songs with my arms stretched out and my eyes closed shut - a place of surrender
11. i love to cook - it is like art - creating with edible mediums
10. i love to buy new shoes, but would prefer to be barefoot
9. i love to create - with paper, with paint, with food, with digital pictures, with decor, whatever
8. i love blueberries
7. i love to sit in the sand overlooking the ocean and remind myself how small i am
6. i love a good road trip
5. i love blue skies and sunshine
4. i love singing harmony
3. i think it is fun to flirt
2. i love to learn new things
1. i never want to be bored with life - l want to live out loud
Monday, May 11, 2009
simple things
YOUR “BANK” ACCOUNT
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed
Each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and
Shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing
Home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move
necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the
Nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
Description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been
Hung on his window.
'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having
Just been presented with a new puppy.
'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room
or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It's how I arrange my
mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I
wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I
have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be
thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and
all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account
of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.'
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
herein lies my problem...
...sometimes i carry dislike (hatred is so harsh a word) in my heart
...often i fill my mind with worry...could be why i have sleeping problems
...even though i intend to live simply, i complicate my life on a regular basis...why exactly? and how does that happen?
...i give too much sometimes and cost myself time, money, and a plethora of other things along the way...mostly i don't regret giving, but i may need to spread it out a bit or something...i don't know...i get so much pleasure in the giving...there is joy there...happiness for sure!
...expecting less...hmmm...now there is a tough-y...i don't expect a lot from many...but those i depend on, well...i may expect a lot from them. too much? not sure about that...you would have to ask them that.
so i'm good at 1 or 2 of the list of 5. guess i need to spend time expecting less, living more simply and freeing my mind of worry. i love the thought of waking up expecting it to be a good day.
"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time."
"It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it."
"Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away."
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed
Each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and
Shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing
Home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move
necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the
Nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
Description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been
Hung on his window.
'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having
Just been presented with a new puppy.
'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room
or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It's how I arrange my
mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I
wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I
have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be
thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and
all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account
of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.'
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
herein lies my problem...
...sometimes i carry dislike (hatred is so harsh a word) in my heart
...often i fill my mind with worry...could be why i have sleeping problems
...even though i intend to live simply, i complicate my life on a regular basis...why exactly? and how does that happen?
...i give too much sometimes and cost myself time, money, and a plethora of other things along the way...mostly i don't regret giving, but i may need to spread it out a bit or something...i don't know...i get so much pleasure in the giving...there is joy there...happiness for sure!
...expecting less...hmmm...now there is a tough-y...i don't expect a lot from many...but those i depend on, well...i may expect a lot from them. too much? not sure about that...you would have to ask them that.
so i'm good at 1 or 2 of the list of 5. guess i need to spend time expecting less, living more simply and freeing my mind of worry. i love the thought of waking up expecting it to be a good day.
"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time."
"It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it."
"Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away."
Sunday, May 10, 2009
anxious
(sigh)
ok...so i'm anxious...
anxious about money, our house, mike's job, our future, those depending on us, looking to us, our kids, their security and stability, my job, the stress and frustration it brings, the toll it is taking on my body, mind and even my soul, next steps, immediate steps, future steps...where are the stepping stones, who is going to arrange them, where will the come from, when will they come, where will they lead, where will i fit, how will it feel, what will they look like, what will they require of me, when will i know???
i'm anxious...
need prayer...
give it up, let go, whose in charge? not me! release...relax...recharge...rebuild...rejuvinate..remember! God is in control. Thank God!
(sigh)
ok...so i'm anxious...
anxious about money, our house, mike's job, our future, those depending on us, looking to us, our kids, their security and stability, my job, the stress and frustration it brings, the toll it is taking on my body, mind and even my soul, next steps, immediate steps, future steps...where are the stepping stones, who is going to arrange them, where will the come from, when will they come, where will they lead, where will i fit, how will it feel, what will they look like, what will they require of me, when will i know???
i'm anxious...
need prayer...
give it up, let go, whose in charge? not me! release...relax...recharge...rebuild...rejuvinate..remember! God is in control. Thank God!
(sigh)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
life mission
live to love.
love to live.
God is life.
my mission: to make connections between humanity and God, who is life!
i recently started reading the barbarian way and these statements struck a cord in me. this truly is what it is all about. live to love and love to live...in so doing, make connections to the divine God who is the sustainer of life.
with my recent health scare, things got simplified for me very quickly. focus went from kids, chores, shopping, laundry, work, ministry, friends, to ...BREATHE...just breathe. this unexpected hospitalization has given me new perspective.
life is a gift...
every breath is a gift from God...
what am i doing with that breath, that life?
do i take it for granted?
do is discount it?
do i think it will always be there and i'll appreciate it tomorrow?
i will be spending 2009 focusing on this life mission...how to be a better tool in God's hand to make significant connections between humanity and God. how can i be most effective? where can i make the most impact? how can God use me this year to further his love on earth? i will remain mindful of the precious gift life is and seek to not ever take it for granted...to chase after any opportunity that comes my way...i don't want to waste a moment.
i want to love more deeply...
share more intimately...
live with more passion and purpose...
and explore ways to sacrifice my life more for others and give until there's nothing left...
i am waking up more fully to myself and am excited about what God may be up to this year...
i will live expectantly with eyes wide open
love to live.
God is life.
my mission: to make connections between humanity and God, who is life!
i recently started reading the barbarian way and these statements struck a cord in me. this truly is what it is all about. live to love and love to live...in so doing, make connections to the divine God who is the sustainer of life.
with my recent health scare, things got simplified for me very quickly. focus went from kids, chores, shopping, laundry, work, ministry, friends, to ...BREATHE...just breathe. this unexpected hospitalization has given me new perspective.
life is a gift...
every breath is a gift from God...
what am i doing with that breath, that life?
do i take it for granted?
do is discount it?
do i think it will always be there and i'll appreciate it tomorrow?
i will be spending 2009 focusing on this life mission...how to be a better tool in God's hand to make significant connections between humanity and God. how can i be most effective? where can i make the most impact? how can God use me this year to further his love on earth? i will remain mindful of the precious gift life is and seek to not ever take it for granted...to chase after any opportunity that comes my way...i don't want to waste a moment.
i want to love more deeply...
share more intimately...
live with more passion and purpose...
and explore ways to sacrifice my life more for others and give until there's nothing left...
i am waking up more fully to myself and am excited about what God may be up to this year...
i will live expectantly with eyes wide open
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