why is it that our family,
our place of origin,
our foundation,
the family that
changed our diapers,
fed us,
and clothed us
the ones that taught us
to talk,
read,
and to relate...
the family that has spent
money,
time,
and energy raising us
can know so little about us?
can hurt us so deeply?
can cut us to our core?
gross.
not cool.
ugh!
i now create family.
i have learned what i need.
i have treated friends the way i wish my family would treat me.
i love them well.
i celebrate who they are.
i take good care of them.
i like the family i have chosen to surround myself with.
i hope they feel loved, too.
because i love them very much.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
37 i-things
37. i am fun and love to do random, spontaneous things!
36. i love shiny-licious lip gloss
35. i am usually drinking something or have remnants of drinks all around me
34. i love to sit in a coffee shop, alone or with a friend, with no agenda whatsoever
33. i love to hear other people's stories
32. i sometimes love to share my stories
31. i say things i am thinking sometimes without thinking
30. i overcommit
29. i like to play stupid party games
28. i love a theme! - i can't have a party without one!
27. i think i should have my own table at cupz and crepes
26. i love the ikea 'as-is' section
25. i love birthday month!
24. i love celebrating others - especially their birthdays!!
23. i love to wake up in a warm bed and know that i can roll over and go back to sleep :)
22. i love michael scott - not from the office - my man, michael - he really, REALLY loves me!
21. i love a really good hug
20. i love to hold hands with people
19. i love to have painted toes
18. i love, love, LOVE mountain dew
17. i love to touch and feel books at a bookstore and sometimes buy them
16. i love to make up words to songs when i can't remember the words
15. i love taco bell rice with a little sour cream on top...mmmmm good!
14. i love it when someone does something thoughtful for me - i love that they thought of me
13. i love coming home and having my kids greet me with "MOM" and give me big, little people hugs!
12. i love to worship to really good worship songs with my arms stretched out and my eyes closed shut - a place of surrender
11. i love to cook - it is like art - creating with edible mediums
10. i love to buy new shoes, but would prefer to be barefoot
9. i love to create - with paper, with paint, with food, with digital pictures, with decor, whatever
8. i love blueberries
7. i love to sit in the sand overlooking the ocean and remind myself how small i am
6. i love a good road trip
5. i love blue skies and sunshine
4. i love singing harmony
3. i think it is fun to flirt
2. i love to learn new things
1. i never want to be bored with life - l want to live out loud
36. i love shiny-licious lip gloss
35. i am usually drinking something or have remnants of drinks all around me
34. i love to sit in a coffee shop, alone or with a friend, with no agenda whatsoever
33. i love to hear other people's stories
32. i sometimes love to share my stories
31. i say things i am thinking sometimes without thinking
30. i overcommit
29. i like to play stupid party games
28. i love a theme! - i can't have a party without one!
27. i think i should have my own table at cupz and crepes
26. i love the ikea 'as-is' section
25. i love birthday month!
24. i love celebrating others - especially their birthdays!!
23. i love to wake up in a warm bed and know that i can roll over and go back to sleep :)
22. i love michael scott - not from the office - my man, michael - he really, REALLY loves me!
21. i love a really good hug
20. i love to hold hands with people
19. i love to have painted toes
18. i love, love, LOVE mountain dew
17. i love to touch and feel books at a bookstore and sometimes buy them
16. i love to make up words to songs when i can't remember the words
15. i love taco bell rice with a little sour cream on top...mmmmm good!
14. i love it when someone does something thoughtful for me - i love that they thought of me
13. i love coming home and having my kids greet me with "MOM" and give me big, little people hugs!
12. i love to worship to really good worship songs with my arms stretched out and my eyes closed shut - a place of surrender
11. i love to cook - it is like art - creating with edible mediums
10. i love to buy new shoes, but would prefer to be barefoot
9. i love to create - with paper, with paint, with food, with digital pictures, with decor, whatever
8. i love blueberries
7. i love to sit in the sand overlooking the ocean and remind myself how small i am
6. i love a good road trip
5. i love blue skies and sunshine
4. i love singing harmony
3. i think it is fun to flirt
2. i love to learn new things
1. i never want to be bored with life - l want to live out loud
Monday, May 11, 2009
simple things
YOUR “BANK” ACCOUNT
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed
Each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and
Shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing
Home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move
necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the
Nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
Description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been
Hung on his window.
'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having
Just been presented with a new puppy.
'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room
or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It's how I arrange my
mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I
wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I
have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be
thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and
all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account
of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.'
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
herein lies my problem...
...sometimes i carry dislike (hatred is so harsh a word) in my heart
...often i fill my mind with worry...could be why i have sleeping problems
...even though i intend to live simply, i complicate my life on a regular basis...why exactly? and how does that happen?
...i give too much sometimes and cost myself time, money, and a plethora of other things along the way...mostly i don't regret giving, but i may need to spread it out a bit or something...i don't know...i get so much pleasure in the giving...there is joy there...happiness for sure!
...expecting less...hmmm...now there is a tough-y...i don't expect a lot from many...but those i depend on, well...i may expect a lot from them. too much? not sure about that...you would have to ask them that.
so i'm good at 1 or 2 of the list of 5. guess i need to spend time expecting less, living more simply and freeing my mind of worry. i love the thought of waking up expecting it to be a good day.
"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time."
"It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it."
"Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away."
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed
Each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and
Shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing
Home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move
necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the
Nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
Description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been
Hung on his window.
'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having
Just been presented with a new puppy.
'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room
or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It's how I arrange my
mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I
wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I
have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be
thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and
all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account
of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.'
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
herein lies my problem...
...sometimes i carry dislike (hatred is so harsh a word) in my heart
...often i fill my mind with worry...could be why i have sleeping problems
...even though i intend to live simply, i complicate my life on a regular basis...why exactly? and how does that happen?
...i give too much sometimes and cost myself time, money, and a plethora of other things along the way...mostly i don't regret giving, but i may need to spread it out a bit or something...i don't know...i get so much pleasure in the giving...there is joy there...happiness for sure!
...expecting less...hmmm...now there is a tough-y...i don't expect a lot from many...but those i depend on, well...i may expect a lot from them. too much? not sure about that...you would have to ask them that.
so i'm good at 1 or 2 of the list of 5. guess i need to spend time expecting less, living more simply and freeing my mind of worry. i love the thought of waking up expecting it to be a good day.
"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time."
"It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it."
"Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away."
Sunday, May 10, 2009
anxious
(sigh)
ok...so i'm anxious...
anxious about money, our house, mike's job, our future, those depending on us, looking to us, our kids, their security and stability, my job, the stress and frustration it brings, the toll it is taking on my body, mind and even my soul, next steps, immediate steps, future steps...where are the stepping stones, who is going to arrange them, where will the come from, when will they come, where will they lead, where will i fit, how will it feel, what will they look like, what will they require of me, when will i know???
i'm anxious...
need prayer...
give it up, let go, whose in charge? not me! release...relax...recharge...rebuild...rejuvinate..remember! God is in control. Thank God!
(sigh)
ok...so i'm anxious...
anxious about money, our house, mike's job, our future, those depending on us, looking to us, our kids, their security and stability, my job, the stress and frustration it brings, the toll it is taking on my body, mind and even my soul, next steps, immediate steps, future steps...where are the stepping stones, who is going to arrange them, where will the come from, when will they come, where will they lead, where will i fit, how will it feel, what will they look like, what will they require of me, when will i know???
i'm anxious...
need prayer...
give it up, let go, whose in charge? not me! release...relax...recharge...rebuild...rejuvinate..remember! God is in control. Thank God!
(sigh)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
life mission
live to love.
love to live.
God is life.
my mission: to make connections between humanity and God, who is life!
i recently started reading the barbarian way and these statements struck a cord in me. this truly is what it is all about. live to love and love to live...in so doing, make connections to the divine God who is the sustainer of life.
with my recent health scare, things got simplified for me very quickly. focus went from kids, chores, shopping, laundry, work, ministry, friends, to ...BREATHE...just breathe. this unexpected hospitalization has given me new perspective.
life is a gift...
every breath is a gift from God...
what am i doing with that breath, that life?
do i take it for granted?
do is discount it?
do i think it will always be there and i'll appreciate it tomorrow?
i will be spending 2009 focusing on this life mission...how to be a better tool in God's hand to make significant connections between humanity and God. how can i be most effective? where can i make the most impact? how can God use me this year to further his love on earth? i will remain mindful of the precious gift life is and seek to not ever take it for granted...to chase after any opportunity that comes my way...i don't want to waste a moment.
i want to love more deeply...
share more intimately...
live with more passion and purpose...
and explore ways to sacrifice my life more for others and give until there's nothing left...
i am waking up more fully to myself and am excited about what God may be up to this year...
i will live expectantly with eyes wide open
love to live.
God is life.
my mission: to make connections between humanity and God, who is life!
i recently started reading the barbarian way and these statements struck a cord in me. this truly is what it is all about. live to love and love to live...in so doing, make connections to the divine God who is the sustainer of life.
with my recent health scare, things got simplified for me very quickly. focus went from kids, chores, shopping, laundry, work, ministry, friends, to ...BREATHE...just breathe. this unexpected hospitalization has given me new perspective.
life is a gift...
every breath is a gift from God...
what am i doing with that breath, that life?
do i take it for granted?
do is discount it?
do i think it will always be there and i'll appreciate it tomorrow?
i will be spending 2009 focusing on this life mission...how to be a better tool in God's hand to make significant connections between humanity and God. how can i be most effective? where can i make the most impact? how can God use me this year to further his love on earth? i will remain mindful of the precious gift life is and seek to not ever take it for granted...to chase after any opportunity that comes my way...i don't want to waste a moment.
i want to love more deeply...
share more intimately...
live with more passion and purpose...
and explore ways to sacrifice my life more for others and give until there's nothing left...
i am waking up more fully to myself and am excited about what God may be up to this year...
i will live expectantly with eyes wide open
Friday, December 5, 2008
thinkin...
seeking significance...
doubting faithfulness...
desiring closeness...
seeking understanding...
chasing dreams...
keeping afloat...
fearing disaster...
challenging self...
claiming independence...
longing for hope...
needing purpose...
am i enough?
doubting faithfulness...
desiring closeness...
seeking understanding...
chasing dreams...
keeping afloat...
fearing disaster...
challenging self...
claiming independence...
longing for hope...
needing purpose...
am i enough?
Monday, October 27, 2008
do you think i am beautiful?
Do you think I am beautiful?
What a crazy question…
I’ve never felt like the beautiful one, the most attractive, or the one that others take a second glance at…I’ve blended in quite nicely. I didn’t break any mirrors or anything. This question though, is haunting me today.
I’m reading a book called “do you think I am beautiful” by Angela Thomas.
“Sensible women like you and me survey life and figure out how to make the journey with the least possible heartache. We insulate ourselves for maximum protection in the event of a fall. We isolate ourselves from risk to guard against failure…and so I have spent way too many years standing around the edge of my life trying to convince myself that I do not want to be Cinderella. I have concocted a few lies to make life hurt less and then forced myself to live them.”
What lies have I told myself that I am now living? Where am I guarding myself so as to protect myself from risk or failure? How am I insulating myself and not opening myself up…making myself vulnerable? Loveable? Intentional?
Do I think I am beautiful? No. I know I am self conscious about my tummy…and my thighs and arms need some attention, too…but I don’t think I would use beautiful to describe myself…
I’m fun! I’m available. I have a lot to offer. I have a servant’s heart. I’m confident. I am silly. I love to laugh and love to laugh with others. I’m flexible. I’m creative. I’m a thinker, an analyzer. I love to study, read, and process thoughts and philosophies. I love to listen to others and assist along the way anyway possible. I love music and how it can define a moment, an experience or an emotion. I love to create it, emulate it, or simply enjoy it. I love to create, period. I love my family and being a significant member of it. But am I beautiful? I may have moments, but it definitely isn’t a word I would use to describe myself.
What does my heart of hearts long for? What is it I crave? What is it I desire the most? What am I most passionate about?
…to be known deeply.
…to be understood
…to be heard
…to make a difference
…to matter
…to be real
…to be available
…to engage life expectantly and with an unstoppable passion
…to truly live
…to love truly, madly, deeply
…to see through God’s lens
...to live in the center of my life and not on the fringe
...to be true
...to myself
...and to others
how am i doing??
am i doing it?!
am i chasing after my passions?
nah...
i would have to say i am surviving most often...not living.
i want to get after it. go get life! live it up! love it up and down!
i am coming out of a year long funk...
taking better care of me
remembering me and my own needs, desires and passions...
i want to embrace all that God has for me, in every moment.
me as a mom...as a wife...as a friend
but most of all...as a kim!
i know God has created beauty within me...i want to discover it, cultivate it, explore it and live it out loud...
What a crazy question…
I’ve never felt like the beautiful one, the most attractive, or the one that others take a second glance at…I’ve blended in quite nicely. I didn’t break any mirrors or anything. This question though, is haunting me today.
I’m reading a book called “do you think I am beautiful” by Angela Thomas.
“Sensible women like you and me survey life and figure out how to make the journey with the least possible heartache. We insulate ourselves for maximum protection in the event of a fall. We isolate ourselves from risk to guard against failure…and so I have spent way too many years standing around the edge of my life trying to convince myself that I do not want to be Cinderella. I have concocted a few lies to make life hurt less and then forced myself to live them.”
What lies have I told myself that I am now living? Where am I guarding myself so as to protect myself from risk or failure? How am I insulating myself and not opening myself up…making myself vulnerable? Loveable? Intentional?
Do I think I am beautiful? No. I know I am self conscious about my tummy…and my thighs and arms need some attention, too…but I don’t think I would use beautiful to describe myself…
I’m fun! I’m available. I have a lot to offer. I have a servant’s heart. I’m confident. I am silly. I love to laugh and love to laugh with others. I’m flexible. I’m creative. I’m a thinker, an analyzer. I love to study, read, and process thoughts and philosophies. I love to listen to others and assist along the way anyway possible. I love music and how it can define a moment, an experience or an emotion. I love to create it, emulate it, or simply enjoy it. I love to create, period. I love my family and being a significant member of it. But am I beautiful? I may have moments, but it definitely isn’t a word I would use to describe myself.
What does my heart of hearts long for? What is it I crave? What is it I desire the most? What am I most passionate about?
…to be known deeply.
…to be understood
…to be heard
…to make a difference
…to matter
…to be real
…to be available
…to engage life expectantly and with an unstoppable passion
…to truly live
…to love truly, madly, deeply
…to see through God’s lens
...to live in the center of my life and not on the fringe
...to be true
...to myself
...and to others
how am i doing??
am i doing it?!
am i chasing after my passions?
nah...
i would have to say i am surviving most often...not living.
i want to get after it. go get life! live it up! love it up and down!
i am coming out of a year long funk...
taking better care of me
remembering me and my own needs, desires and passions...
i want to embrace all that God has for me, in every moment.
me as a mom...as a wife...as a friend
but most of all...as a kim!
i know God has created beauty within me...i want to discover it, cultivate it, explore it and live it out loud...
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