sad face.
that is all i can muster.
after years of dreaming,
months of planning,
and weeks of preparing,
Easter has come and gone.
it was a wonderful weekend.
but it has drained me dry.
i am out of energy and it shows.
i can't muster the energy to get out of bed,
to go get my coffee...
to eat,
to engage,
to smile.
to smile?
if you know me at all, you know that is strange.
i have much to celebrate.
a wonderful husband,
fantastic kids,
depth among friends,
a free car,
a dream coming true,
a beautiful home,
love
so...
why the sad face!?
:(
would love to be able to wrap that up in a tiny little package and tell you, but
life isn't wrapped up in neat or tiny little packages.
it's just plain messy.
a little overwhelmed by the messy, today.
finding a lack of tools in which to tidy and clean it up.
so i return to bed.
a comfort so sweet.
and i will try again tomorrow.
meanwhile,
:(
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
i love this quote
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
late night thought
what will the new year bring?
2010
hmmmm...
the usual "lose weight" and "get organized" are high on my list...but they are every year...
instead of seeing this as a sign of defeat, i will see it as the do-over for the list i want to check off.
i have a clean slate.
i can start anew...again.
re-do.
my hopes for this plan include more exercise in general, but
...walking with mike
...zumba!
...jumping rope
...just being more active, in general
let's see how we do this year...
here's hoping!
2010
hmmmm...
the usual "lose weight" and "get organized" are high on my list...but they are every year...
instead of seeing this as a sign of defeat, i will see it as the do-over for the list i want to check off.
i have a clean slate.
i can start anew...again.
re-do.
my hopes for this plan include more exercise in general, but
...walking with mike
...zumba!
...jumping rope
...just being more active, in general
let's see how we do this year...
here's hoping!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Love is Risk
an old margaret becker song…never for nothing:
You cried alone by the window - Over the love that you lost - You gave it all - Never counting the cost - Rain like tears beat on your window - Melting your heart to the floor - No love returned - And now you have less than before (It’s)
Chorus:
Never for nothing - When you love with no return - It’s never for nothing - Light your candle in the darkness - Cause it’s never for nothing
Your friends say you’re the fool - For loving with nothing to gain - But they can’t see the reward - That you’ll claim - So hold on to the holy promise (that says) - No labor of love is in vain - Precious tears are changed to jewels - In the rain
i had a great conversation with a friend last night that reminded me of the fact that no love is gained without risk or without cost. i have hurt others and have been hurt by others, but love runs deep in my life. i’m so grateful for the risks i have taken…and even the hurts i have survived. thank you for those that have loved me well and have loved me in return. i am reminded that loving is never for nothing…no labor of love is in vain.
i believe this to be true...but i don't always FEEL it to be true. i FEEL like i give, and give, and give and have to continually ask for what i need in return...but to no avail.
i'm tired of loving with nothing in return.
i'm tired of loving.
i'm tired.
i have risked for love and have come up empty handed today.
that's the risk.
hoping for the courage to love again tomorrow.
You cried alone by the window - Over the love that you lost - You gave it all - Never counting the cost - Rain like tears beat on your window - Melting your heart to the floor - No love returned - And now you have less than before (It’s)
Chorus:
Never for nothing - When you love with no return - It’s never for nothing - Light your candle in the darkness - Cause it’s never for nothing
Your friends say you’re the fool - For loving with nothing to gain - But they can’t see the reward - That you’ll claim - So hold on to the holy promise (that says) - No labor of love is in vain - Precious tears are changed to jewels - In the rain
i had a great conversation with a friend last night that reminded me of the fact that no love is gained without risk or without cost. i have hurt others and have been hurt by others, but love runs deep in my life. i’m so grateful for the risks i have taken…and even the hurts i have survived. thank you for those that have loved me well and have loved me in return. i am reminded that loving is never for nothing…no labor of love is in vain.
i believe this to be true...but i don't always FEEL it to be true. i FEEL like i give, and give, and give and have to continually ask for what i need in return...but to no avail.
i'm tired of loving with nothing in return.
i'm tired of loving.
i'm tired.
i have risked for love and have come up empty handed today.
that's the risk.
hoping for the courage to love again tomorrow.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
interesting...
i have found myself in a very interesting spot.
i have jumped ship.
i have stepped out of the boat.
i have taken a leap of faith.
i am "balls out" as some would say.
it is a scary place to be but a bit exciting, too.
i am definitely one who jumps first and asks questions later, but not when it comes to financial security.
i have four little people to think about now.
i cannot jump completely without thinking of those that depend on me, too.
i have baggage. not bad baggage, but baggage nonetheless.
i have to think sometimes before i jump and that does not come natural to me.
so...about that interesting spot...
i am looking for work in a place that is familiar, but in an arena that is not.
i can be a professional, an activist, an assistant, a counselor, a director, a coordinator, an event planner, a salesman...
but what do i WANT to be?
good question.
not sure i know...
and that is the interesting spot...
i have jumped ship.
i have stepped out of the boat.
i have taken a leap of faith.
i am "balls out" as some would say.
it is a scary place to be but a bit exciting, too.
i am definitely one who jumps first and asks questions later, but not when it comes to financial security.
i have four little people to think about now.
i cannot jump completely without thinking of those that depend on me, too.
i have baggage. not bad baggage, but baggage nonetheless.
i have to think sometimes before i jump and that does not come natural to me.
so...about that interesting spot...
i am looking for work in a place that is familiar, but in an arena that is not.
i can be a professional, an activist, an assistant, a counselor, a director, a coordinator, an event planner, a salesman...
but what do i WANT to be?
good question.
not sure i know...
and that is the interesting spot...
Monday, May 25, 2009
family is a funny thing
why is it that our family,
our place of origin,
our foundation,
the family that
changed our diapers,
fed us,
and clothed us
the ones that taught us
to talk,
read,
and to relate...
the family that has spent
money,
time,
and energy raising us
can know so little about us?
can hurt us so deeply?
can cut us to our core?
gross.
not cool.
ugh!
i now create family.
i have learned what i need.
i have treated friends the way i wish my family would treat me.
i love them well.
i celebrate who they are.
i take good care of them.
i like the family i have chosen to surround myself with.
i hope they feel loved, too.
because i love them very much.
our place of origin,
our foundation,
the family that
changed our diapers,
fed us,
and clothed us
the ones that taught us
to talk,
read,
and to relate...
the family that has spent
money,
time,
and energy raising us
can know so little about us?
can hurt us so deeply?
can cut us to our core?
gross.
not cool.
ugh!
i now create family.
i have learned what i need.
i have treated friends the way i wish my family would treat me.
i love them well.
i celebrate who they are.
i take good care of them.
i like the family i have chosen to surround myself with.
i hope they feel loved, too.
because i love them very much.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
37 i-things
37. i am fun and love to do random, spontaneous things!
36. i love shiny-licious lip gloss
35. i am usually drinking something or have remnants of drinks all around me
34. i love to sit in a coffee shop, alone or with a friend, with no agenda whatsoever
33. i love to hear other people's stories
32. i sometimes love to share my stories
31. i say things i am thinking sometimes without thinking
30. i overcommit
29. i like to play stupid party games
28. i love a theme! - i can't have a party without one!
27. i think i should have my own table at cupz and crepes
26. i love the ikea 'as-is' section
25. i love birthday month!
24. i love celebrating others - especially their birthdays!!
23. i love to wake up in a warm bed and know that i can roll over and go back to sleep :)
22. i love michael scott - not from the office - my man, michael - he really, REALLY loves me!
21. i love a really good hug
20. i love to hold hands with people
19. i love to have painted toes
18. i love, love, LOVE mountain dew
17. i love to touch and feel books at a bookstore and sometimes buy them
16. i love to make up words to songs when i can't remember the words
15. i love taco bell rice with a little sour cream on top...mmmmm good!
14. i love it when someone does something thoughtful for me - i love that they thought of me
13. i love coming home and having my kids greet me with "MOM" and give me big, little people hugs!
12. i love to worship to really good worship songs with my arms stretched out and my eyes closed shut - a place of surrender
11. i love to cook - it is like art - creating with edible mediums
10. i love to buy new shoes, but would prefer to be barefoot
9. i love to create - with paper, with paint, with food, with digital pictures, with decor, whatever
8. i love blueberries
7. i love to sit in the sand overlooking the ocean and remind myself how small i am
6. i love a good road trip
5. i love blue skies and sunshine
4. i love singing harmony
3. i think it is fun to flirt
2. i love to learn new things
1. i never want to be bored with life - l want to live out loud
36. i love shiny-licious lip gloss
35. i am usually drinking something or have remnants of drinks all around me
34. i love to sit in a coffee shop, alone or with a friend, with no agenda whatsoever
33. i love to hear other people's stories
32. i sometimes love to share my stories
31. i say things i am thinking sometimes without thinking
30. i overcommit
29. i like to play stupid party games
28. i love a theme! - i can't have a party without one!
27. i think i should have my own table at cupz and crepes
26. i love the ikea 'as-is' section
25. i love birthday month!
24. i love celebrating others - especially their birthdays!!
23. i love to wake up in a warm bed and know that i can roll over and go back to sleep :)
22. i love michael scott - not from the office - my man, michael - he really, REALLY loves me!
21. i love a really good hug
20. i love to hold hands with people
19. i love to have painted toes
18. i love, love, LOVE mountain dew
17. i love to touch and feel books at a bookstore and sometimes buy them
16. i love to make up words to songs when i can't remember the words
15. i love taco bell rice with a little sour cream on top...mmmmm good!
14. i love it when someone does something thoughtful for me - i love that they thought of me
13. i love coming home and having my kids greet me with "MOM" and give me big, little people hugs!
12. i love to worship to really good worship songs with my arms stretched out and my eyes closed shut - a place of surrender
11. i love to cook - it is like art - creating with edible mediums
10. i love to buy new shoes, but would prefer to be barefoot
9. i love to create - with paper, with paint, with food, with digital pictures, with decor, whatever
8. i love blueberries
7. i love to sit in the sand overlooking the ocean and remind myself how small i am
6. i love a good road trip
5. i love blue skies and sunshine
4. i love singing harmony
3. i think it is fun to flirt
2. i love to learn new things
1. i never want to be bored with life - l want to live out loud
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